User blog:Degrassi Forever/Destroying Juliet, Chapter Eight
THIS IS NOT A FAN-FICTION. THIS IS A STORY I WORKED ON DURING MY SUMMER HOLIDAYS. Cyber Speed: I considered wagging school. Or at least chucking a sickie. And I was sick, right down to the bottom of my guts. I had been up nearly all night, I was exhausted. I think I dropped off to sleep at about fout thirty in the morning. And I awoke the minute sun steamed into my room. I didn't get out of bed until I heard Mum's car pull out of the driveway, one lass parent to face. I don't know why I got dressed for school. Pride, maybe? I argued with myself all morning about going. From the second I stepped into the shower I definitely wasn't leaving the house. As I towelled my hair dry I forced myself to believe I was. But when I stared at my reflection in my uniform I shook my head. There was no way I could face them all. I had a small breakfast, a bowl of muesli I pushed around in the milk and then tipped into the sink. "Ready?" Dad asked, grabbing a stack of books and heading out the door. I nodded and picked up my bag. This was the deciding moment, the point of no return. I had to try and put on a brave face. I knew it was the Bitches: if I didn't turn up they'd think I was running scared. I had to go. I was quiet in the car, and Dad was obviously preoccupied with the business of his own day. He pulled into a bay at the front of my school. "Remember I've got a meeting after classes," he said as my hand slipped on the chrome door handle. I wiped my sweaty palm against the side of my skirt and nodded my head. I was stepping out of the car, looking nervously around. Maybe I should go home now, before it was too late. "Hey," Dad called out to me. I turned back to look at him. He was frowning. "You all right? You've been really quiet." "No, Dad, I'm fine," I said smiling through my anxiety. "Just trying to remember the way to home room." "Yeah, I know what you mean, these metro schools are like rabbit warrens," he smiled and tooted as he drove off. I walked across the school grounds slowly, feeling like a condemned prisoner. Marshall was sitting next to the school letterbox, swinging his legs. He jumped up the minute he saw me. "Hey," he put his arm around me, pulling me close, that one gesture indicating he'd seen the site. I felt the pain and hurt rush up. "It's not so bad," he said. "Marshall, are you crazy?" Those bloody tears were there again, but I didn't want to cry. "It was hideous." "Most of them will know it's all bullshit," he said. We walked side by side to my home room. Marshall kept making jokes and trying to cheer me up but I couldn't really focus. I was aware of everyone around me. Was it you? Or you? Have you seen it? Do you know who I am? ''I'd never been so freaked out in my life. At the doorway he gave me a tight hug before he left. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to enter alone. I felt nauseous as I pushed the door open. I quickly scanned the room. Jemima, my only ally, wasn't there yet. Shit! Shae was by the window in her usual huddle. I heard someone whisper, ''"She's here." ''And then they all stopped talking and turned to stare at me. I was a prize bull on disply; they were all sizing me up, looking down their noses in contempt. Shae sneered. I kept my eyes on the floor, trying to look like I wasn't bothered and sat at the nearest empty desk. They were whispering, ''"Surprised she came... Do you reckon she's really done it with that many guys?" ''designed for me to hear. I pulled out my novel and started reading. Fiona walked in and passed by my chair really closely, making sure she jolted the back of it. She leaned down and whispered, ''"Dirty slut."''I didn't look up, though I could feel my face heating. Pretend they're not there. The next minute Jemima slid into the seat next to me. "How are you doing?" she asked kindly. I thought she looked pretty sick. "Fine," I said. My eyes filled with tears. "How did you find out?" "Text message last night." She pulled her phone out and opened Read Messages. '''go 2 d blogs pg and c wot it says bout da new girl' "Who's it from?" I asked softly, aware that nearly everyone was watching us. She shook her head. "Dunno, came up no number. But whoever it is, they're texting everyone." I chewed my lip. This was going to be around the whole school in no time. I could leave now, walk out of class and go home. But what would that achieve? I'd have to come back eventually, and the messages would still fly plus I'd also be labelled a pussy. Jemima walked with me to my next class. I was grateful she hadn't abandoned me. At least with someone by my side I didn't feel so vulnerable. I stood outside the art room watching the people go by, wondering who I'd know in this lesson, when a girl I'd never seen before came up to me. "Hey, aren't you the new Year Ten girl?" she asked. She was older looking than me. I figured she must be a Year Eleven or Twelve. I nodded my head, rummaging through my bag for my pencils. I knew what was coming next. "Did you see the blog site?" She said it like she was concerned, tipping her head thoughtfully to one side. "Pretty rough stuff," she said sympathetically. "Though if it's true mean, you're disgusting." And she shook her head disdainfully. And you've got a fat arse ''I wanted to scream at her. But I didn't. I said nothing. I sat in Art, on my own, drawing the cover for my Visual Diary. The Art deparment was open plan and split level. Our class was held on the middle level. I felt completely exposed - who was on the upper and lower levels and could they see me? I felt self-conscious and awkward in my attempts to look relaxed and unfazed. The desks were set up in a U-shape and Fiona and Lisa deliberately chose seats opposite mine. They watched my every move and made sure I was aware of what they were saying. "She;s such..." and Lisa's voice dropped so I couldn't hear. "I know," Fiona said loudly, "what a slut." And then they'd both stare at me, making faces, or get the girls nearly to join in on their bitchiness. I felt like a prisoner surrounded by an execution squad. I tried not to look. I tried to do my work. I got up and walked past them to go to the paint trolley. "Gross," Lisa said. "Can you smell fish?" Fiona laughed. "Disgusting. Oh foul." And they continued to laugh, the girls next to them were joining in, as I squirted paint onto my palette, breathing deeply. Scared that I did smell. When I sat back down at my desk one of them had written all over my Visual Diary. Underneath Juliet Maloney they'd scribbled "is a skanky ho." I picked up an eraser, they were watching me, and started rubbing it out. I tried to stop my lip from trembling. ''Don't cry. Don't you dare cry. ''But they'd written it so heavily it had scarred the paper underneath. When I painted over it the words were still visible, like a white ghostly outline. Before recess I'd been asked by about twenty people if I'd seen the site. People were talking about me whenever I entered a room or walked through the schollyard. I couldn't have been any more consipcuous if I'd worn a clown's wig and red nose. I was humiliated and devastated. I wanted to curl up and die. Going to the netball courts was like a refuge. Here we were away from most of the action. When I arrived Sukey and Tamara got up to greet me. "Don't worry about it," Sukey said, lightly touching my arm. "They're the pack of sluts." Tamara said. I nodded as the tears welled up in my eyes. ''Don't cry. I felt terrible about how I'd hoped for a better group of friends. Even Tamara, who'd seemed so unfriendly, now surprised me with her support. "It can't last forever," Tamara said, "either they'll get bored and forget about it, or I'll have to beat one of them so badly they'll want to forget about it." "I'm so embarassed," I said looking into my lunchbox. Food had never seemed so unappealing. "I feel constantly watched, it's like everyone is judging me." "Who'd give a toss about what any of those scrags thinks?" Tamara spat. I nodded and Sukey and Jemima nodded too. But it was all bullshit. We did care. "Be tough, Juliet," Marshall said as the siren went. He put his arm around me again. "Sticks and stones may break your bones..." "But names will never hurt me," we both finished in unison and laughed together. Just then a boy walked up. "Hey, you the new girl?" he shouted at me, leering like a pervert. "Ignore him," Marshall said, grabbing hold of my hand. "Hey new girl, I hear you want to get a promotion, like your mum, to giving Head." He was looking over his shoulder at me as he walked away, shoving his tongue hard into the side of his mouth so his cheek bulged. "Piss off," Tamara snarled, stepping forward menacingly. "Shut up fatso," the boy responded and then lost his footing and tripped face first into the dirt. We all cracked up. He so deserved it. He jumped up quickly, his face bright red. "Watch out you freakin' weirdos, you're all gonna die." "Ohhh, we're so scared of you." said Marshall. "Cock sucker," the boy spat out before he was out of earshot. "Tamara," I laughed, the anxiety lifted for a second. "I think you made him fall over." "Wish he'd broken his neck," she murmured hatefully. We picked out bags up to go to class and I heard mobile give its message received signal. I looked at Marshall nervously. He shook his head. "Don't do it," he said, putting out his hand to stop me. But I was already pulling the phone out of my bag. Tamara, Sukey and Jemima stood paralysed, watchingme. Marshall grabbed my hand, the one holding the phone. "Dont' read it, Juliet," he warned. "Press delete." I shook my head. I couldn't delete it unread. FITLHY SLUT WATCH OUT The words screamed at me from the screen. The sight of them hurt my ears. It was all I could hear. It was carried on the wind, it rustled through the leaves in the trees. ''Filthy slut, filthy slut, fitlhy slut, filthy slut. ''Finally I pressed delete. My friends were watching me. I looked up and the tears filled my eyes. ''When would this stop? ''I felt so stupid. "Hey don't," Marshall said, putting his arms around me as I cried. But I couldn't help it. Category:Blog posts